How to Spot a Liberal

I am not politically correct, or always tactful. But, I feel that if someone is acting stupidly, they need to have it brought to their attention. Otherwise, how can they ever change? Following are two real life encounters with liberals - nearly 10 years apart - where I was able to give them something else to think about...

***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****

Encounter 1: The Mock Senate Hearing

In the spring of 1982 when I was in 11th grade, my American History teacher decided to hold a mock Senate hearing to teach our class about the way legislation is drafted. He picked a topic which was in the news - whether or not to have a peace time draft. Each student was assigned a role, either a senator from the Senate Armed Services Committee, or a lobbyist. I was to be a senator from New York.

While I am not specifically advocating a draft now, I didn't and don't see one as necessarily evil - especially if needed. My senator, however, was dead against it. So, ever the actor, I was true to the part and opposed the draft, despite my personal feelings. My teacher was surprised because he always referred to me as his personal Joe McCarthy. My nemesis in the class, a very liberal girl, got her dream role - a lobbyist from the ACLU.

On the second day of the hearings, my nemesis testified - saying that a draft was completely unconstitutional. In fact, she felt it violated a citizen's rights to make them serve in the armed forces at all, for any reason what so ever! I hated sitting there - keeping quiet and not arguing with her. I think I perforated my lower lip from biting it so hard. One of my friends who knew I was conservative asked me how I kept my cool. To this day, I still don't know.

The encounter came during the break that followed. The class broke up - all of us meandering around the room - the teacher standing in the corner by the door, just watching. I saw my nemesis talking to a friend, her purse on the desk in front of her - a ten dollar bill sticking partly out. I walked up to her desk, looked at her, then the purse, took the ten and began to walk away.

She went berserk. She grabbed me and said "Give it back!"

I said "No, it's mine now" and broke away. (All the while, our teacher is just watching from the corner). She followed and hit me - HARD - in my shoulder and yelled again for me to return it. That's when I turned on her.

I held up the ten in her face and said "What, are you gonna fight me for this?"

"Yes!" she said and she pushed me again.

Then I said "Oh, you'll fight me for this money, but not for your freedoms? Babe, your priorities are all screwed up!" I threw the ten in her face and walked away. As I looked into the corner of the room, our teacher (a US Navy & Viet-Nam vet) was just shaking his head and laughing.

LESSON 1: Liberal extremists don't always understand what is really important. As such, they rarely fight the fights worth fighting and often come across as hypocritical - leaving themselves wide open to quick-thinking conservatives.

(Note to kids - DO NOT DO WHAT I DID! I was lucky I didn't get in serious trouble!!! Given the chance to do it again, I would have found a way to do it differently.)

***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****

Encounter 2: The Political Survey

Back in the late summer of 1992 during the home stretch of the presidential elections, my wife and I were moving house. To save on expenses, we rented a truck and did it ourselves. While loading the truck, I was approached by a college student conducting a political survey. Bear in mind, I was carrying large, heavy boxes from my house to the truck. Below is the conversation that took place to the best of my memory:

Student: Hello sir, I am a college student, political science major, and I was wondering if you would mind answering a few questions about the upcoming elections.

Me: Well, (grunt, groan) this really isn't the best time. I'm kinda busy. (I put the box in the truck and returned for another)

Student: (following) That's OK, I can walk next to you. I won't get in your way at all. It's only about 10 questions.

Me: (reaching the truck with the next box, I put it in the truck and looked at him, breathing hard) You're a Democrat, right? "Progressive," liberal, support Bill Clinton, hated Reagan, right?

Student: Yes, that's right, how did you know?

Me: A Republican would have offered to carry a box!

The student left without asking any questions.

Lesson 2: In my experience, activist liberals seldom practice what they preach, like REALLY helping others. They'll watch you carry the box, even tell you HOW to do it, but won't really lift a finger to help. Case in point - Al Gore circling the globe warning us about "man-made" global warming all the while emitting more CO2 in a day than many families emit in a month.